Guess What I am Doing During My Spring Break!?!

For Spring Break this year I have decided that instead of going on a vacation by myself.....I am......YOu probably already guessed (haha just kidding)..... getting my left eyelid redone. Doesn't that sound like lots of fun??? I am actually kinda excited about it. I am hoping that once the surgery is done, my left eyelid will match my right eyelid. I am tired of looking like I am blinking in all of my pictures. I am tired of feeling like people are staring at my droopy lid. Hopefully this surgery will give me a self esteem boost.
I guess it is better then getting a boob job.

OUCH!

I always have told Cory that child birth is very painful and he would never ever know what it is to push out a kid.
That being said, this past week poor Cory has had shingles. I have always heard it can be painful but until you see a loved one go through it it is hard to imagine. The poor thing thought he had a pinched nerve and just said he would suck it up. On Wednesday night, he was getting ready for bed and felt something weird on his back. He came in and asked me to see what it was. To my horror it was a red blistery inflamed rash. Not only was it on his back, but it was also on his chest. Cory has been in so much pain that he can't get out of bed. He has even been groaning from pain in his sleep. I am hoping that he will recover soon. Shingles can last awhile. He said it is more painful then when he broke his collar bone.
This experience has also made me grateful that I am not a single mom. It is hard taking care of 2 small kids day in and day out without any help or anytime to take a small break.

I need an Intervention

I was seriously starting to feel like a hoarder. A hoarder of kids clothing that is. Boxes upon boxes of girl clothes (every size), have been staring me in the face everywhere I look in this small apartment. Every closet had boxes stacked up. Not only that,the clothes were taking over my kitchen table and part of my dining room. I don't know how it got so bad (actually I do. It is called, every time a friend or well meaning family member said, hey do you want some hammy downs, I excitedly said "sure".) I put them in a storage container thinking I would get around to sorting them another time. Well that time never came around. Between being a mom/full time student, the clothes were last on my priority list.
I finally came to a breaking point this weekend. I couldn't take it anymore. My poor husband and I spent Saturday and part of Sunday sorting through all the containers. I finally feel like we have it in a contained situation. Some totes (o-12 month clothes), are going to my moms/Richard and Maria's house (when they get one this summer--and as far as I know if you are wondering,they are not pregnant). The other totes (18-7/8), are going into the outside storage.
I finally feel like I have my apartment back. Yayayayay...The moral of this story is, I am not going to buy/take anymore clothes for the time being. Even if they are for free or a really good deal.

Pity Party!

I need to throw a pity party for myself for a few minutes. So if you don't want to read then you might want to skip this blog post.
I really try to stay positive and try to make the best of being a mom of kids with special needs. Some days (most days), I end up feeling sad about my kids never growing up and having a normal live. Most people don't want to deal with me/my kids because they feel awkward or don't know what to say to me. I laugh at myself, because I really don't want them to say anything at all. I just sometimes might need a caring ear and understanding.
I laugh when moms say, oh it will get better or this faze will pass. I have been stuck in this same faze for 4 1/2 years!
My days consist of, running one child or the other to a therapy (or even 2 or 3 therapy's a day). Then I have to fight Elizabeth to eat,go to sleep,stay in the grocery cart etc.
It just doesn't seem fair ! What I would give to have my children tell me they love me or hug/kiss me and know what it means. What I would give to have a conversation with Elizabeth. Not an elaborate conversation or course but a I am hungry or I am sad or I need to poop. Or I want this or that. Instead she just whines all day. Anyways, I could go on and on.
Anyways, if you are still reading, I am sorry.

Kalia

It will be a year tomorrow since I lost my dear friend Kalia to cancer. I still miss her calls and friendship. I will catch myself thinking of Kalia when I watch certain movies or hear certain songs that we liked. Or when something exciting or funny happens I think of how Kalia would love to hear about it. She was always there to listen. She was always routing for me and always knew what to say to me to make things seem better. I am thankful for her influence in my life.

The Best Combination Ever!!!

Elizabeth could not be a happier girl. She loves the Chick-Fil-A cow and Santa. So when the two were combined it was a dream come true. She is also obsessed with Snowmen :)

It is Up to Me to decide!

So I have decided that only I can make my life happier. I kept wishing for bigger and better things to come along but then they wouldn't and I would get depressed and have a pity party. I would say things like why me and if only and my life stinks. What I found was the worse I felt, the worse I got depressed. It was a downword spiral. I didn't even want to be me anymore.

SO I have been trying this new thing for the past week and a half. It is called focus on the positive and find joy in life. It is a funny thing. When I made it up in my mind to do this, I found not only that I was happier but my family seemed happier too.
My problems and challenges haven't gotten any better, but my attitude has. I feel like my old self is starting to emerge. I must say I have missed it.
Every night before Cory and I go to bed we each list 5 things we are thankful for. Some nights I am tired and don't want to do it but it helps me to realize how much I am thankful for the things I have. My favorite so far is, I am thankful for the washing machine. Could you imagine not having one.